Voiceless Screaming
by eremiticAntiquarian
Summary: Its just not Ken's day... or is it? Shounen ai!


Breifing: This is just after 02 ended. SORRY I DON'T COUNT EPISODE 50! Daisuke and Ken are both 15 and in 9th grade. And of coarse... X JAPAN RULES!!  
  
  
  
||VOICELESS SCREAMING||  
  
  
  
"I'm drowning in sadness  
  
Falling far behind  
  
I feel there is just no way out  
  
Is there anyone there?  Where am I?"  
  
  
  
Dark. Misty. Nighttime in Tamachi. But it wasn't Tamachi, it was Odaiba. Sure, my body was in Tamachi, lying cozily in my bed, but my mind and soul is here in Odaiba. Thus, the same familiar dream begins.  
  
I'm running and running. The air is slow to my lungs, my muscles ache. I want to stop but a force is driving me on. What is waiting for me is something so very precious. It is beautiful and pure. Soon, It will be all mine.  
  
I see my destination and see the supreme beauty waiting for me. I reach out as I run a draw more near.  
  
Then, as I embrace it, it passed through me. It is now in the arms of the girl. The girl who is always in my dreams stands there and holds my prize triumphantly. She will not let him go. I fall to my knees and outstretch my arms from my body. My hands are begging for what rightfully should be mine. Tears flow down my pale face.  
  
"Daisuke," I whisper, longingly at the beauty.  
  
The girl gives me a little smirk and pulls Daisuke in tighter. She throws back her head and lets out a cynical laugh. They start to fade, as the fog grows thicker. Her laugh echoes through my head. I toss my face to the sky and let out a pained scream.  
  
"Hikari!! Why?! I-I..." my voice gets softer until it barely recognizable, "I love him."  
  
"Insanity and loneliness  
  
Tear my painful heart  
  
Broken heart keeps on going to beat  
  
But it never stops bleeding"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I awoke with a start and sat up as quickly as I had opened my eyes. My hand felt around blindly for my alarm clock. When I found it, I saw it said the time was nearly three o'clock. I fell back against my pillow.  
  
"Ken-chan," Wormmon asked, "How come you haven't been sleeping lately? Is there something bothering you..."  
  
"Yes," I sighed.  
  
"Confide in me, Ken-chan, You can trust me."  
  
"I know Wormmon, but I'm sorry, I'd rather keep it private."  
  
"I understand," he said quietly.  
  
"C'mon. Let's get some sleep now, or at least try to."  
  
I brought the covers up over my head. As soon as I was sure my Digimon was asleep, I let it all go. The tears I had been holding back flowed freely from my eyes. I was utterly and completely miserable. I didn't understand why I was cursed to have this dream night after night for the past week.  
  
"I've been waiting for love to come  
  
Someone who wants to touch me inside  
  
Memories of my yesterdays"  
  
Slowly but surely I was being broken. I was being drilled to believe I could never have him. With these dreams comes a loss of hope. With this loss of hope, my will. And my will is barley no more, so I felt like I could just sit in a corner and die.  
  
If I hadn't have cried myself to sleep, I think I could have done just that then. I could have hung myself off my bed, I could have swallowed eighty pills. I could have even slit my wrists. But I didn't. Instead I cried myself asleep. I was so alone.  
  
I need to get out of there. The streets were dark. My breath showed, in a white cloud from my mouth, just how cold it was. I held my hands to my face for warmth. I walked aimlessly. No one wanted me there and I wanted no one here.  
  
Except, maybe, Daisuke. Daisuke, he was the only thing I could think about. He is the only person I care about, well there is Wormmon. For being my Digimon, Wormmon doesn't know me at all. No one knows me like Daisuke. He is my god.  
  
Glancing up from the ground, I noticed a small park with a few little kids playthings, a couple slides and about a dozen swings. I headed in through the opening in the gate and made my way down the path. I stopped at one of the sets of swings. I chose the one on the left and sat down.  
  
"Careless words and deeds  
  
Masquerade of love  
  
Gotta find my way outta here"  
  
I don't know how long I actually did sit like that. But when I started to notice more and more people and a lot more cars passing by, I also noticed the sun rising. Shit. My mama and papa were probably freaking out by now.  
  
I stood and started running. While I ran, I tried to think up a good excuse. Oh hell, I might as well tell them the truth. I couldn't sleep so I decided to get some fresh air, I found a park and accidentally fell asleep. Great, I probably should have frozen to death. No one would have wanted me around for much longer anyway.  
  
"I was blinded by dark desire  
  
Over time I've been through it all  
  
I'm crying my share of tears  
  
What can I do  
  
Will I make it through  
  
I must be true to myself"  
  
When I opened the door my mama was crying her eyes out. My dad was holding her shoulders. That was the most love he ever showed her. Papa stood up and he was obviously cross with me. He walked toward me and raised his hand. I locked myself away in my head so I didn't feel the pain of the impact. I was quite accustomed to this.  
  
"You little fag," he spat at me, "You know how irritated I get when your mother cries. See what you've made me sit through! See what you've put your mother through? You little bastard! How did I help in the process of creating a fucking faggot? Osamu was never like this."  
  
My eyes met my mother's. She just sat there. She stared at me and made no attempt to stop my father from hitting me or yelling at me. She just... sat there. I growled at her and it just made her appearance to be more helpless. So I turned around and ran back out that door. I ran and ran. No one could stop me. Hell, I am Ken 'The Rocket' Ichijouji. All people saw of me was a blur.  
  
"Voiceless screaming  
  
Calling to me inside of my heart  
  
Voiceless screaming  
  
Now is the time I got to speak out"  
  
I don't really remember when I stopped running. I know that I had passed out somewhere though. When I woke up I was in a room that was familiar yet not my own. I was stripped down to my underwear and under a pile of blankets. I moaned softly it was so warm and comfortable. A hand gently touched my forehead.  
  
"Ken-chan? How are you feeling?"  
  
"Dai? Daisuke is that you?"  
  
I turned over and looked at the boy kneeling at the side of the bed. Yup, it was Daisuke all right. His brown eyes shone with concern. He rested his head on the mattress right in front of my face. Since we both had our heads tilted our faces lined up. He looked as if he were searching for something. Oh! Right! An answer!  
  
"I feeling better than I did before," I said truthfully.  
  
"Ken..." He looked to the side, "What happened to your eye?"  
  
I had no clue what he meant. I forgot everything that had happened up until the moment I had woke up. My hand reached up and touched my swollen eye. It was bruised beyond belief. Touching it caused pain and with that pain I remember everything that had happened. Tears started falling out of my eyes.  
  
"Voice of faith, I'm starting to realize  
  
Now my eyes can see  
  
I have gone so far  
  
I'm feeling breath of life"  
  
Daisuke stared wide-eyed at me as I wept. I felt him brush back my hair from my face. He touched his lips to my forehead. They were soft and sweet as the grazed my pale skin. I cried harder after that. I felt arms wrap around my body and someone get under the covers with me. I was sure it was Daisuke. I really didn't know what came over me but I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his chest. Next thing I knew, I was sleeping again.  
  
The same dream again. When I reach for Daisuke I start crying, in my dream and in real life. Hikari suddenly vanishes and Daisuke reaches for me too. I take him into my arms and don't let him go. I start crying even harder. Then just when I think he is mine for keeps. He completely disappears. I am left in a black void. There is no light, no hope. As the tears roll down my face I mutter a phrase.  
  
"I love you, Dai-chan."  
  
Then I am woke up by someone calling my name, "Ken? Ken?!"  
  
"And I'm looking for love to reach  
  
Someone I want to touch deep inside  
  
Light shines on my sight of doubt  
  
Don't be afraid  
  
Move forward one step  
  
Willing mind is what I have found at last"  
  
I slowly open my eyes. They automatically meet with Daisuke's eyes. He has a look of deep concern on his face. There is something else there too. I recognize this as confusion. He takes his thumb and wipes away my tears.  
  
"Did you mean that," he asks, "Mean that you... love me?"  
  
I lower my eyes to him and nod. He stares at me wide-eyed for a few seconds. Then he pushes me away from him and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. I fall onto my back, spread eagle. Now he probably hates me forever. My father does. My mother once found my journal open on my computer confessing my love for a certain tanned, mahogany haired boy I know. She told my father and ever since that day four years ago he as looked upon me as shit.  
  
Crawling out of the warm bed, I gather my clothes from a pile. I am sure that Daisuke wants me out of him house now. I put my pants on, followed by my shirt. I struggle with this because tears are clouding my vision. I sit down to put on my socks. My shoes are not there so they must be by the front door. I open the door to leave Daisuke's room and he is pacing back and forth outside of it.  
  
He stops and turns to look at me. We stand there for about a minute looking at each other. I move out of the doorway towards his front door. As I walk down the hall I glance behind me. Daisuke is standing there with one hand reaching out for me and the other covering his own mouth. Our eyes meet yet again. His mouth begins to move.  
  
"Voiceless screaming  
  
Calling to me inside of my heart  
  
Voiceless screaming  
  
Now is the time I got to speak out  
  
Calling to me inside of my heart  
  
Knockin' on my soul's door  
  
I believe in myself and trust what I do"  
  
"How could you not tell me something like this, Ken Ichijouji? How could you have done this to me? I'm so lost right now. I am in shock! I cannot believe you are doing this to me! I thought we were friends!"  
  
My eyes widen in fear. He hates me. He truly hates me now. Tears start pouring down my face faster than they ever did before. I cannot believe the words that are being screamed at me. I run down the hall and through the living room past Jun who jumps up with concern. I totally forget about my shoes and run out the door slamming it behind me.  
  
When I get all the way down the stairs I hear the door open from behind me. It's Daisuke. He is calling my name, summoning me back to him. I stop and spin around with a confused look on my face. He inhaled deeply and squeezes his eyes tight. He is concentration and focusing on something. Probably to call me a faggot...  
  
"I LOVE YOU KEN ICHIJOUJI AND I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE WE FIRST MET!!!"  
  
"Voiceless screaming  
  
Pain of the past still hurts me inside  
  
Knockin' on my soul's door  
  
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven"  
  
My eyes stare blankly at him. He was... serious! I run back up the stairs to him. I open my arms and embrace him tightly. He returns the gesture equally. No more dreaming, no more hoping. Now... Now it's real. The love I have is pure and true, there is no doubting that. I sigh and intake everything that has happened. The next thing I know my mouth has been captured and Daisuke and me are locked in a deep kiss. Jun claps from her seat on the couch but we ignore her.  
  
  
  
~~Pluto's Note: Ok that was weird, ne? I got bored. And I was listening to X Japan. This just came into my mind so I wrote it. How about some constructive criticism? 


End file.
